I miss my old work life.

Ok here I am starting my new blog. Wordpress was actually great for a while, in years past the learning curve was too high and it didn't make sense to me, then it hit a phase where it made complete sense. And now it's back to making me go "wtf? How do I do anything." I didn't even know Blogger was still around, but for what I want, this is what I need I guess? 

For a long time I've had a lot of thoughts swimming around that I've wanted to get out in a forum like this, but with all the hobbies I have and the time it takes to write out my thoughts and research the few things I need to per post, it just never feels feasible. I'm leaning toward starting a podcast even though it sounds cringey, mostly because I'm literally nobody and I wouldn't be aiming for it to go anywhere. So... I haven't pursued it. Another hobby and buying equipment? I mean...

Why do I care about blogging or podcasting? What in my ego wants a public forum for getting out thoughts? Or am I just a product of my generation? I do wish I had the time to make this more useful. Tips & tricks on something? Logging all my hobbies and working through the trial and error so others can recreate? But it does take a lot of time and I am happy to stick with my day job for now.

But at the same time, I do feel uniquely qualified to philosophize and analyze... Or is that just more ego-speak? Maybe I'll get into my background at some later point.

Well, what brings me here today? I came to my office. Empty per usual. And when I'm here, I just get a little sad. There's a lot I'm ok with in our new world order... but I am one of the few who misses some of what we had before The Rona Times. I guess I just wish I could have some of it back with my new mentality for it all. I miss a busy office with the adrenaline of work stress and client-pleasing, and then releasing it with happy hours and comradary. I miss when I first started working here 5 years ago, the mix of start-up culture with a mature background. I miss the need to dress decently and be with other decently dressed people all with a singular vision in mind while we poured our coffees and chatted around the watercooler. I miss daily conversation and being motivated to get out of bed with a solid routine every morning before biking in and getting the day started, knowing I was in good company.

It's like without having coworkers I see every day, I'm just not inspired to take care of myself like I used to. There was an element of "I do this because we all do it and there's an expectation to do it" that I really enjoy having in my life. Instead I have to find some intrinsic version of that, but it's not the same. And don't get me wrong, there are toxic versions of that and also there are people who do not thrive off that. What I do like about new world is the freedom to pursue the one you want, I fully support introverts who enjoy working from home to continue to do so. But I'm sad that it seems I'm the ONLY person in my local office who does not want or need the WFH life. In the last 2.5 years, I have been the only one who comes in anymore. I don't come that often either, but it's only because what's the point if nobody else is here?

And I know some of the best elements of what makes office life good CAN be created remotely. I'm SO grateful for my first remote gig teaching me that. I don't know what my life would even look like had I not been so fortunate to move to the group I did and see first hand that comradery and "watercooler vibes" were possible when you've never met your coworkers or clients in person. I'm trying so hard to do that with my current group, but nobody is really following suite, sadly. Well.. some of us are but only one person is putting more than half ass effort in and nobody from leadership is doing anything to bring us together and that frustrates me the most.

Joie de vivre specifically around work and daily routine is what I'm really missing. I think it's partially why I'm afraid to go find a new job elsewhere. (1) I am quite comfortable where I'm at and I think I play the game just fine, even though I probably should push harder to get pay raises and promotions because I probably could, I'm just content and a little lazy (I will speak more later about how laziness does not exist, but for now I will use the term). (2) If future jobs are not going to have a physical office environment to get to know people, then how stressful would that be for me to just get thrown into an unknown environment and only have remote conversations to figure it all out? No thanks. 

Well that's all I really wanted to say. I feel quite alone with these feelings and therefore don't get to talk about it much. It's usually when I turn to blogging. Thoughts I think a LOT about but never come up in conversation. So maybe I'll pursue all the subjects I've wanted to. Or maybe my next post will be about starting a pod. Who knows.